Run Down Memory Lane

Finally, after months of not seeing him. He picked me up late, to transfer sa airbnb. I don't see the excitement on his eyes.  Banas na nga ata sya na naabala ko pa sya. I went to Manila just to see him. Hindi kami nakapag-usap ng maayos kasi nagmamadali din sya. Halos ayaw na rin nya ako i-kiss..  DI ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako na narinig kong sinabi nya na "i love you" saken before he left.. Or dahil nadulas lang sya na nasanay sya dating sinasabi sa akin yun..  Putang-ina.. Ang lalim ng pagmamahal ko sa taong to.. na kahit di na ako gusto putang ina mahal ko pa rin!

 First day of service ni Julius sa Binangonan, Rizal. Di masyadong nakapagusap kasi pagod din sya sa byahe at puyat din the night before.  May nagpositive ng Covid sa station nila hence they satinized the office and the barracks. 

 Tax mapping day again. Late afternoon got a call from Julius.  Informing me he sent all his stuff at the Binangonan Office and he'll be reporting by Monday. 

2nd day of RNR. I am actually fearing that Julius might not be able to come here soon. Because of the travel ban into the city due to covid cases that are raising.  PACD the morning.  Didn't had lunch.  500 for spending for food. From ATP extra. 

 1st day of the 20 days without communication with Julius. Had nothing to do today. Fixed Moirah's stuff and just laylow for the day. Did not read.  Cleaned my finger and toe nails.  Browsed all the photos and videos Julius sent me.  Bringing me to the first few days we flirted. And ended in a relationship. 

 Woke up early.  Stressed due to Moirah's attitude.  Left home early for work.  Julius went back early also.  He's being sweet this time around.  I believed that he missed me somehow.  Mid day when he informed me about his re-assignment to Palawan.  Mixed emotions. I felt bad for the family he'll be leaving.  He felt sad about the urgent assignment. Caught unprepared.  I know he wants to be in Palawan, but not this soon. 

Brand new day.  Friday.  Julius went up early for the tree planting event.  I appreciate all of his efforts with keeping up with me.  Headache before lunch.  Played wwf with him.  Although there is this feeling that he's talking with someone else.. But thay was just a feeling. Not the intuition.. just a feeling.. We talked over then phone until dinner.  Oh God, despite being paranoid I know that I badly wanted this guy! I love him so huge! 

 A bit worried when I woke up and no messages yet from Julz. But yeah I remember him being away from Batangas. With his family.  Went too early at the office, Glenn sent me off earlier. Tatay went out of town to look for someone who will be going to take care of our soon to be farm.  I am still adjusting with the new computer. Eyes are hurt with the bright monitor.  Not feeling so well this morning. I know that I am having some sort of depression due to overthinking. But hell yeah I am trying to win this, fighting the mental state of begativity. I need to focus on mu readings for the bar exams. Hell I care if Julz will leave me over someone.  An hour passed noon when I got his message.  Felt relieved that he's back in Batangas. 

  Tuesday.   I feel so low on myself. I never thought that things like this can happen. No communications with him. I feel so unwanted.   On the lighter note, one good event coming up this weekend. A prenup shoot. For the wedding coming this September.   I made a call to him, using Nico's number. I know I am already blocked. I don't know what to do now. I am just waiting for the time he'd never talk to me.. 

  Monday.   I woke up so early.. Missing Julius. SO BAD! I was hoping to hear from him, but no luck at all! I am losing hope about us.   I have decided to fight for him. for what I believed a real relationship with him. I am wholeheartedly accepting the fact that we all commit mistakes. I still choose to love him and continue the fallacy of his true love.   I am that so stupid to keep on hoping about us.. 

 Sunday.   The whole gang went to Langogan. Was able to relax while on a road trip with the family.. Picked up honey and Nanay brought home some flowers and other plants.  Drove home. Ran fastest for my record of 90/km/hr. It rained hard hence the slow down.  Later in the afternoon, Tan picked me up. Tambay sa store nya. Talked about life and everything..   Went home around 8 and slept early... 

 Saturday.   Advance birthday celebration of Glenn. Everyone is busy at the compound. Roasted pig (head).  I just slept most of the time. Read quite a few articles.    Jaylord reached out on me.. asking me how I was. I just said hanging by. He shared some words of wisdom. Again. for the Nth time! I am blessed to have friends like him who's not judging me for whatever I commit wrong or for whatever kind of stupidity I am in.    

 Friday.   Still no communication from Julz.   Was able to talked to Jenny. The other girl. And got the information about them. It hurts.. But not that much.. More of the ego being stepped on to.. And the broken trust.   I feel sorry for the two of us. Being played around..  

Thursday.  These are what I woke up with early this morning.  Had to send him an sms and asked him to call me. He called. This is not good at all. 

Monday.  Woke up early. Sent a few messages on Julz' messenger telling him how frustrating and depressing the situation is. How I am missing him so bad.  But what a surprise got a call from him. Informing me about his situation. Their situation. The struggles he had over the passed few days with the situation.  Damn it I so missed him. Talking to him every minute of the day got me crazy with the sudden no comm situation.  Had a bunch of work at the office. Anniversary lunch. With lechooon!! 

Friday. A holiday. No work. Woke up late.. Heavy heart still. I feel like the worse day ever. Not knowing when will I be able to talk to Julz. Not knowing what's his status. I really don't care what's the situation with his other half. All I am wanting to know is his status. If he's just ok. Friends chatting and planing of having a coffee session at home. I need to do some groceries to buy stuffs for tomorrow's trip to Sabang. 2PM raining hard when we picked up Karen at her house. Went home. Waited for others to arrived. Lotsa chikkas with the girls.. 6PM when the boys arrived. Brought some beers and food for pulutan. Had some great laughs and lots of stories to tell. Reminiscing the past.. Had some quite good day, despite the feeling of sadness missing my man..

Thursday. Feel so heavy heart-ed. I missed him so bad. But I just can't do anything. I am just the "other woman". Breaks my heart each time I get to be reminded of that. I don't know when will I be hearing from him again. No guarantees whatsoever. Just made myself busy with work and everything. Tried reading to review. But I am planning to sleep early.. So sad.

Wednesday. Not a good day. Julz have to go home to cater to his wife's needs. The wife just got positive resulf from covid swabbing.  I just can't think properly now. Now knowing what to write.  Julz told me not to worry about it. But how can I not?  He'll be out of reach for i dont know how long. Cried.  Fears sulking in. I just hope this will not terminate our relationship.  Might be seeing him mid August or might not anymore..  Sad life!  Decided to have a long drive with Tatay after office.. 

Tuesday. It's our 4th month together. Seems like just a regular day. But I love the idea of Julz being so serious about our relationship.  Still cant stop the thoughts about ex and the wife probability of a scandal. But Julz kept me calm. 

Monday.  Day went by smoothly. Julz was basically busy half of the day.  Just did a regular work for office. So tired. But happy.  Went home early. Checking the spam messages on fb to find out some rotten messages from Loki with all the threats he has.  Informed Julz about it. Talked about it. He tried comforting me by singing some songs while playing guitar.  Just lovely. 

Tuesday.  Busy with office stuffs.  Julz went out for in inspection at some port area in Bauan.  After the inspection, he just rested and started to not feel so well. Told hin that we'll be sleeping early tonight to catch up some sleep.  Turbed out that he is having from fever and flu. 

Monday.  I hated the fact that the whole day was wasted due to the fact that another broken promise from Julz.  Ended the day fixing things.  I was really hurt. I felt so unwanted. Taken for granted. 

Saturday. Woke up so late.. watched movies. Read a little. Rest early. Slept with the kids. 

Friday. Call last night lasted until almost 4 this morning. And by almost 5am he called again. I just love the way he makes me feel so wanted and love (By him).. I don't want this to end. Although I know that he's not totally mine. But I know for sure he wants me to be in his life..

Thursday. Julz got me turned on early today. Send him some naughty stuffs. But later felt a bit shy out of it. But he affirmed that he loved it. I just don't know. But I hope so. I just missed him being naughty with me also.. They have an inspection around some stations. It's a bit busy day for him. Sent me some photos of the area they're inspecting. While I am busy doing my encoding and boxing of the few ITRs, was also being followed up by the documents for signature by the feeling CAS from the 3rd floor. The day went by so well for the two of us.. Until this one person, related to his ex, commenting on my photo and sending me private message. It was one hell of an issue for me, but I am calm and just wanted to know what is the real score about them. I know my place and my footing/standing with regards to Julz' life. I just don't want the idea of him having some other girls as side chick in addition to me. Oh well. I already have decided that whatever he decides ab...

Wednesday. The usual weekday mornings.. A message from Julz. Talking about how he's commanding his subordinates to clean/fix their office/station as early as 6 in the morning! Did the regular routine of going to the office early. Oh well, requesting some photos from him, but he said he'll send it over later tonight. But in fact sent it early morning, with video pa! I just love this man! He's too busy the whole day with lots of instruction from his superior. While I did my work at my end also. Gotta box so many ITRs for sending to Manila. There's this cute guy that the young ladies at the office were buzzing about, only to find out that he's gays or what.. He slept for more than an hour at siesta, he's too tired and sleepy I guess. Tatay picked me up from the office, we drop by at my aunt's apartment to get the rental fee then went home. I was too tired also. Julz called and we talked for more than an hour, until we had to break the call to have dinner. I rea...

Tuesday. I just don't know what's with this day that Julz was acting extra sweet and mindful.. He never kept the convo dull this day.. Moirah went out with tatay as they send me off to the office.. It was her first time to go outside the house after March quaratine. Had to do the re-checking of files done yesterday. Turned out there were returns of different dates being mixed. Me and my moods. Fuck as shit! I still had the swelling eyes look because of the whole day and up to night crying woes yesterday. Today, I am more calm. Just accepted the fact that there are people who will destroy the beauty of your relationship.. I know, ours wasn't the good kind of relationship. But honest to goodness, I am happy with the fact that I am with him. For until when, I REALLY DON'T KNOW.     He promised of a lifetime commitment with me, but will just wait and see of his actions about this. We talked about me having some vape sessions yesterday. But I had to explain that it helped me...

Monday. Started the day with Julz' messages. I know there are some changes. I can see the difference. But heck yeah.. I just have to trust the process. If all is well, then good,if not then be ready for it. Mid morning when he informed me about his ex. The one working in Saudi. Telling me things about what she saw on my profile. To cut the story short, I deleted all/everything about him on my profile. Nothing connects me to him to think that it's his fake account. it somewhat hurts me. I know he doesn't want anyone knowing about us. And it's just me who keep on insisting. But heck yeah. Learning the lessons.. History repeating again at my end. This is what you get when you're in a forbidden relationship. Everything must be kept a secret. No one should know that we are in a relationship. I get that. OK NOTED on that. So be it. Have to tell whole world that I broke up with him or we broke up or I am no longer in a relationship. Anyways. It's ok that way.. Seems li...

Sunday. It's been a more than a month since I started this digital diary of my life being Julz' other woman or mistress. :D Nah.. No big deal about it. It's the reality I am facing and living right now. Nothing so special about the relationship, it's just that I am so much in love with him.. and God knows hoe much I wanted him to be last man I will love and care for. I believed we can work this out. Just the two of us. Nanay said I should be resting/sleeping early. I am too thin for her. My eyebags are so deep that she noticed it out right.. But I am all good! Gotta bounce early..

Saturday. Woke up with Julz' messages as early as 5 in the morning. He's doing some rounds with his subordinates.. We talked until almost 10 in the morning prior to him going home. Sad again. But what can I do. I am just the other woman. Had my nails done. Read for quite a few hours. Then just watched movies, until 12mn.

Friday. We both woke up early this morning. But the morning didn't start up the way we both wanted it. I just told him exactly how i am feeling about all the changes I am seeing after his transfer to Batangas. How I felt so less important to him. I told him that he changed a lot, how he's no longer excited to talk to me. No longer eager to tell me stories of his days.. He no longer wants to send me his photos unlike before.. How I am missing the old ways.. He got mad and a bit furious about the issue. Needed to call him to pacify the rage. His voice was really mad and I can feel it too. I said I am sorry for telling him that., He was almost shouting on a high pitch note. First time to hear him that way.. But then, he was calm right before ending the call. Napikon lang din talaga sya. The rest of the day was a busy day for him. Some officials arrived from other stations. It's ok. I was a bit busy with office works too. Got a lot to do to finish the transmittal of ITRs. Went ...